Are you really afraid that by the time you find love, you’ll be fully exhausted?
That it’ll be a bit late? That you’ll have nothing to offer. No youth left to feel the thrill. No will or energy to go through the special phases that growing a tree together requires from both partners.
Are you afraid you’ll have to leap into the arms placed in front of you at that point in time, only because you waited too long outside in the cold?
Do you think you won’t get to have a story to flip through at the end? Did you consider the one that we’ve been quietly writing? And have you gone back to the chapters when we have actually had nothing in common except for all that time & understanding we gave each other?
We have fought silently so many times to find each other in the chaos because we’re drawn to the centre of our gravity like rattling magnets.
Have you realised that I’ve been purposely forgetting things that belong to me? So that I can find excuses to meet you again. And so that I can remember every thought & dream you own.
Do you feel the warmth in my hands when I try to touch you? I’m like the flame of an oil lamp in the darkness, my embers flickering nervously as they follow the rhythms trailing from the firefly that’s you.
I’m stargazing on the outskirts of the city now. Lying on the crisp, cold dewy grass. As the clear dark blue dome, littered with bead-like constellations, spins on an axis above my head … all I can think of is you.
All I can think of is you – and it scares me a little. Because I inhaled the infinity of the universe around me but realized I no longer have any fear of not being big enough to traverse it all.
I’m at peace knowing just you, travelling through the milky way of your daydreams. Of all the billions of planets and light years of distance that exist, it’s so freaking crazy that I ended up in the square kilometre and moment in time housing your soul. Did I sprout into existence just to exist with you?
I must have. Because I can’t comprehend any other reality than this tiny one that I dearly know – the one that has you, me and us.
I wanted you to know that I’ve already said what needs to be said to you a thousand times. And I hope you’ve heard it. Because I’ve said it quietly through tiny gestures but also loudly every time I told you to be nothing but yourself when you’re with me.
I hope you’ve heard me when I said that you’re enough. In fact, you’re more than enough. You’re perfect. You’re cared for. You’re a first priority. You matter so much. You’re important. And you’re already safe here with me.
If you just stop for one second, you’d know that you’re already home – you already have the person you’ve been looking for. So you should drop your bag, take a shower, change into shorts, and lie down to rest. It’s been a long search for both of us. And we’re right where we started a decade ago.
But I guess I always knew it. I always knew. Did you?